There are moments I feel completely lost. I'm not sure where I am in life. I walked Balt this morning with a retired teacher, had lunch with a new teacher and dinner with my book club, a group of women teachers (mostly English), all very experienced. I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items and get lunch for the girls, who are still very dependent on me in so many ways, but would like not to admit that. There are times I feel very wanted but mostly I know I am just needed. I keep telling myself that everything is going to change soon-- I won't even be needed. But then I think about my mom, and hear Erika telling me she won't move out again until she's 40. Maybe nothing really changes?
The other day I hit Monika's bike and it made me feel old, but then I was reminded of the time in my 20's when I hit my mom's car backing up in a very similar fashion. One doesn't hit things backing up because they are old, but because they aren't looking. The truth is I'm not that old, but I'm not that young either. I feel like I'm in this weird inbetween place. Young or old, I'm a bit careless.
So it's August and I wanted to do so much today, but it was just another Summer day. I have 34 days until the first day of school, 53 days until my birthday and 152 days remaining until the end of this year. I feel like I have too much time on my hands and too much to do at the same time. There are times it seems like a lifetime ago when the girls were little and yet, it's like yesterday when MTV started broadcasting music videos.... actually 31 years ago today I saw this one...
The radio star is still alive and well.