There is a Sunday slow-flow yoga & meditation class at 10am that I have a love/hate relationship with. While I love slow flow because of the ease of pace while maintaining a difficulty that is mostly self imposed, the meditation part of the class (the last 20 minutes) is mentally restorative in some ways but also personally eye opening. According to Wikipedia, meditation can refer to a broad variety of practices designed to promote relaxation, build internal energy, get closer to God, or to develop compassion, love, patience, generosity and forgiveness. It involves regulating the mind. Yoga was designed, I am told, so that yogis could sit for long periods of time in mediation after it's practice.
The pastor of our church many years ago taught us the practice of Lectio Divina (Latin for divine reading). In Christianity, meditation is based on scriptural reading and prayer in order to promote communion with God. The practice was not about studying but rather meditation. It was a practice I struggled with as a mother of young ones and a busy person by nature. I used to think that circumstances made the meditation difficult, but yoga has taught me differently. I have been told that beads help. I know they are part of a long tradition. I imagine that animals meditate and they don't need beads. They seem to spend long periods of time deep in thought with cat naps in between ;).
So now I realize that my mind is shallow. This sounds bad but I have found it to be a blessing in some ways. I believe the lack depth of consciousness helps me sleep at night. I very rarely struggle with good sleep. In yoga classes, if left prone or in corpse pose (Shavasana) for more than a minute or two, I loose consciousness competely. Falling asleep is not mindful meditation. I loose consciousness so quickly and so easily, that while I am no where near having narcolepsy, the ease in which I can fall asleep startles me. While talking about mediation with my husband, I realized that my ease of falling into sleep may be related to my poor meditation habits. I think my mind is shallow and now I have to figure out how to move on from there.
My Friday bliss class left me more sore than any other class this week and I thought I was taking an easy class. Slower poses, held for longer periods of time do alot to deep muscle tissue. An extended frog pose killed my hips joints. The slow flow class this morning was perfect-- difficult, hot but not overwehlming. I have learned to sit up on a block, crossed legged, for the mediation portion. I have been to classes where a candle is lit and focus is catured there. Closing my eyes works better. I have to admit while I have learned how not to fall asleep, I am still grasping at how not let my mind wonder. I may not have depth, but I think I have breadth as wide as the sky.
Last night's pictures of Jessi and I were dissappointing. Not because of the teacher who took them. One image horrified me and the other, I posted. I have never been photogenic but if I smile full heartedly, I look disturbing. Add the tight jacket showing too many lumps, slim jeans that are not complimentary and show a few more bumps, and hair that's out of control-- I just can't stand the way I look. As long as I don't see myself, I feel okay. I am supposed to wear glasses and do just fine living life in soft focus (it is hard to read my iPhone in the morning, though). I am encouraged by my friend's story of giving up sugar-- she said it would take two months. Still I can eat a lot of food that is sugar-free. I may need something a bit more to kick things off.
This afternoon I helped with college applications. I looked over a couple of essays, helped with a few forms and paid for transcripts and ACT scores to be sent. It's a long process really that Monika is realizing that is best done earlier. Jessi is working on applications in order of deadlines at this point. I'm happy to report we have added a couple of midwest states to the list and hope to have a California school done by the end of the week.
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