Balt and I went for a long walk this morning. While it was cool, the sun was nice. It was hard to keep positive. I called my dad once it was a bit later, not wanting to call him too early. He was clearly in good spirits with an optimistic outlook, communicating that my mom was going to do well with the surgery she was supposed to have today, would eventually have all the masses removed and would be home within weeks. I went to work feeling a bit better but still worried about not knowing whether I should be on my way to California. The well wishes from all my friends on Facebook and at work helped. I know their prayers are doing more good that I could do alone. Melissa called and offered to cover me and encouraged me to buy a plane ticket. I decided to wait until after the yearbook deadline and leave on Mother's Day to spend the week with my mom, hoping she would be convalescing at home by that time.
My mom called while I was teaching and left a message. They did several body scans. She has masses not only in her brain, but on her trachea and in her lungs. If its all one cancer, then the situation is very severe. There is a chance these are all separate growths. She is having surgery tomorrow on her trachea to biopsy the throat growth. She is scheduled have to have 3 surgeries in the next 3 or 4 days.
My brother called as I drove into my garage home from the workday with more bad news. He suggestion I come as soon as I could. I believe he feels the cancer that is all over her body is all one cancer. He said there is an urgency in the hospital with my mom that could only mean the situation is dire. He shared that she is at peace but is ready to leave. I called my mom and she was in good spirits on the phone and seemed more concerned about my brother then herself. She is refusing to take any pain medication so I know she is uncomfortable but is not talking about it. My aunt was with her while I talked to her. I asked my girls to call her, but I don't think they got to talk to her.
I am torn. I told my mom I was coming on Mother's Day for her and she responded that she had better be around then. Yes, she better. I think about how glad I am to have spent time with her recently. How over joyed I am that my 3 daughters have spent quality time with her more this year than in so many past years. Our having Thanksgiving all together was so special for me, and thinking that it may have been her last gives so much joy and so much pain. I have to take this one day at time. Tomorrow I will call to see how the surgery went and then go from there. It is all I can do.
The photo above is from Jessi's spring break. My mom took the girls to Vasquez Rocks to go hiking. My mom waiting at the bottom of the hills for the girls as they had an amazing time hiking the rocks.
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