Teri Parris Ford's Blog

One Day

I was finally back to work today and there is no school tomorrow, so it was a busy one day work week for me! It was "spirit day" at school so I had a lot of kids out-- only 8 out of 21 kids in my 7th hour. Luckily my 4th hour class was in full force and they were mostly all in form working on the yearbook. By the end of the school day I was exhausted, I stayed too late to make it to yoga and I was so tired as well. I came home and took a short nap and then went out to dinner with Erika. I got tickets for the two of us to see Chelsea Handler at the Orpheum downtown. It was part book reading, part interview, part stand up. I had read her book in two days-- a very quick read and very good. I had never read any of her other books but I don't think any of them were quite as deep or as meaningful as this latest one. We got "free" copies of the books, which apparently is now number one on the NYTimes book list. 

Sunday Rest

It rained early this morning. It was nice to sit listening to the cool rain, sipping hot coffee and read the paper. As soon as it stopped, I took Balt out for a walk. We stopped at Starbucks for a latte and got back in time to watch all the news shows. It was a lazy Sunday. I started reading Hillary Clinton's What Happened yesterday. While not a big Hillary fan, I wanted to know what happened from her point of view and I t is very much from her point of view. She's a smart woman-- so far I'm impressed. I wasn't thrilled about voting for her last November but I didn't have much choice really. There isn't a presidential candidate out there that I can get 100% behind anyway. After all, I'm a pro-life moderate who wants universal health care and legalized marijuana. I've got to pick and chose my issues to vote on. I mourned and wore black the day her husband beat George W. I was hoping to vote for Jeb in 2016. I'm happy to read how very warmly she speaks of the Bush family. Anyway, I made a Costco run to return some lemons that had gone bad too quickly. I did some grading and organized a bunch of computer files looking for one in particular. I ordered a new hard drive with the hopes of getting all my different files onto one drive so I can stop wasting so much time looking for them. 

The first season's snow!

It was a beautiful day! Balt and I went out for a 4 mile hike. I finished Trevor Noah's book, which was really good and I would recommend to anyone who wants to know more about South Africa, an amazing mother son relationship, and/or a miraculous story of faith. I loved it and hate that I'm done and now have to find a new book to read! I went into school to get a bit of work done and then made my way out to Johnson Creek to meet up with Melissa for a bit of Christmas shopping (for her, not me since I'm done) and lunch out. We sat chatting for hours after our meal was finished, catching up on life and of course talking about politics. I came home and did some shoveling, packaged up some pretzels and worked on my Christmas card. I have it ready to order! As I went over my list of things to do this week, I was shocked to see more on the personal side than the work side! That rarely happens but I've got lots of holiday prep to do. Next weekend is tamale time and I can't wait!!

Love Warrior; a book review and other thoughts.

After reading a short interview in my Oprah magazine last month with the author, Glennon Doyle Melton, I was drawn to purchase Love Warrior because of what seemed like a lot of similarities in our lives. Luckily her memoir ended up not being quite so familiar as I had initially hoped, as her struggle with addiction is not quite a road I have traveled, but I was brought to tears many times regardless. Melton tells a story of her journey of self-discovery that every woman can find some connection with. Her struggle with food, I could connect with, alcohol and drugs, not so much. But once she finds happiness in her marriage and family, I could relate and then after the implosion of her marriage, her journey took her places that I had visited in my own journey. She happened to have a partner who wanted to find healing with her which may or may not have made her journey easier, but it certainly made it different from mine on some level. Any woman can read this book and find connection as she speaks with such clarity about the role we have in society that has been created for us primarily by man. She learns to break out of this role as many of us do in time.

In the wake of this political season, with a woman running for the first time in a major party with a really good chance of winning, you'd think we would hear more about the plight of women in America. I want to hear more about the abuses, the lack of support, the hardships of women who work, who raise children, who take care of their parents. While we hear the about the abuses of a man with power, there is only silence on the other side. I am excited about the prospect of a woman running the country, finally, but we need a woman who has a voice, a real voice of what it is be a strong, independent woman. I'm not so excited about someone who set her own career aside to support a husband who is guilty of the same abuses of the man running against her.  The current first lady would have been soooo much better!! Oh, well... someone has to break the glass ceiling and then we go from there. Like the first black president with race relations, I don't expect things for women to get any better with a female president, but progress will be made. The next black president will do more as I hope the next woman president will have clearer voice.  

Amazing quotes from Love Warrior: “We know what the world wants from us. We know we must decide whether to stay small, quiet, and uncomplicated or allow ourselves to grow as big, loud, and complex as we were made to be. Every girl must decide whether to be true to herself or true to the world. Every girl must decide whether to settle for adoration or fight for love.”

“Grief is love's souvenir. It's our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price.”

“You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it's hard. Not because you're doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don't avoid the pain. You need it. It's meant for you. Be still with it, let it come, let it go, let it leave you wtih the fuel you'll burn to get your work done on this earth.”

 

Deadlines, Books and Sleep

I should not be so amazed that things always seem to work out. I was very anxious about today's deadline but yesterday, my kids came through so instead of having to stay late after school to work on the yearbook, I sent the pages due today early and stayed after school with a bunch of teachers who have started a new book club. We came together to discuss Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. I was very interested to see if others were as blown away as I was by the book. It had been a very emotion experience for me, finding myself understanding things for the very first time in my life about the African American experience. For me reading this book had collided with the watching of several shows on PBS, including The African Americans: Many Rivers to Cross and Mercy Street, as well as traveling to see Jessi on the East Coast. All of the emotions kind of collided. It is true, I've been emotional lately, most likely part of being a 50 year old women with thyroid issues not quite ready for menopause. Still reading this book has changed my thinking and yes, other teachers were just as blown away. A room full of basically white women, all wanting very much to educate young people, including young black men. We were all tuned in to the struggle because of our profession and most likely, experience. As women, some  of us may have a keen understanding of fear, of discrimination, of hardship but it pales in comparison of the experience of the black man, I know, but I have never had anyone explain it so eloquently as Ta-Nehisi Coates has in his letter to his son, which made it so personal, so intimate, so powerful. It really should be a required reading for all educators. 

So I left the meeting, eager to get home to Balt with no worries of the yearbook deadlines. I decided to forgo yoga, for a relaxing evening that included a nap and plans to get to bed early. I got a walk in Balt this morning and should do a bit more exercise, but I'm still nursing a sore back and several nights of disrupted sleep and just want to catch up.

Synchronicity

The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence by Deepak Chopra came out in 2004. I purchased it at some point in my life with a bunch of other books with a coupon at Borders Bookstore. The book was stacked with other books to read and finally sent out to a shelf in the garage with a bunch of "I don't know what to do with all this stuff" stuff. Then in the middle of May 2014, my life seemed to turn upside down.  What I understood to be a solid, unshakable truth, ended up being a lie. My husband of 26 years left me. In times of extreme stress, I clean. I really clean. I move furniture and throw a lot of shit away. As piles of stuff was getting tossed from the house out to the garage and then out to the curb, I found that book and started reading it.

At that same time, the very middle of May 2014, the bathroom lights that had stopped working years earlier, suddenly turned on. It seemed miraculous. We had been living with a lamp in the bathroom. My husband had replace both switches, but his attempts to fix the lighting had failed. We opted to add a lamp instead of paying for an electrician. Then shortly after, like hours after, my husband shared the truth with me, the truth that he had not loved me for years but had been having an affair and was leaving me, yes, that was when the lights just started working. No explanation, no intervention, no rhythm or reason other than maybe, synchronicity.

Synchronicity is a concept Carl Jung offered us that explains some events are "meaningful coincidences" if they occur without a causual relationship-- not casual, but cause-ual. The meaningful relationship between two unrelated events might actaually be related. To me, the bathroom lights being turned on at the same time that the truth was being relieved in my life had a significant correlation. The man who could not fix them was actually the cause of their darkening our lives. Then as I read Chopra's book on the power of coincidences, I realized that the book was meant for me to read at that time in my life, not at the time I had purchased it.  I needed to read and understand it in May of 2014, not a month sooner.

I suppose everyone experiences coincidences. Each of us are connected with one another in ways we often are not even aware. Whether you believe it is God orchestrating things behind the scenes or a great pervasive intelligence that is at the heart of the universe creating coincidences, synchronizing an amazing choreography, things are not so accidental. We can consciously shape our desires and our destinies by moving closer to enlightenment, to understanding how the universe works, by not just trusting God, so to speak, but rather by speaking to Him. The key is to pay attention and ask why.

According to Chopra there is a deeper level of reality. Science calls it quantum reality. Physics defines quantum as the smallest indivisible unit of information and energy. So if our thoughts are units of information and energy and when energy has a pattern, it becomes information. To be honest, the scientific explanations Chopra offers stretched my mind beyond understanding at times, but I understood that  "energy and matter and information are interchangeable." In the quantum world we are interconnected and we inseparable. And so we are simply fields of energy and information in the universe of energy and information, where everything is happening at the speed of light. Even our physical bodies are really just energy, constantly remaking, and regenerating ourselves. Our emotions are recycled energy, reacting depending on situations, circumstances, relationships and events. It is incredibly complicated and ever so simple.  We live our lives typically in cause and effect relationships, linear thinking. But life is not linear, it is a web of connections. Intentions are interwoven and there is ripple effect that is often beyond our understanding. 

Chopra describes seven principles of what he calls SynchroDestiny: 
1)  The existence of a Conscious Energy Field; the underlying intelligence that gives rise to my body and yours and the universe as a whole.
2)  Understanding how human relationships operate in terms of Creating Cosmic Connections; in that the ability to create positive human relationships is fundamental.
3)  Mastering your Inner Dialogue, and recognizing the fact that it is the heart and mind that control external reality; if there is something that you can not find/achieve, it is because there is something within you that is preventing you from finding what you want or need.
4)  Penetrating the Conspiracy of Improbabilities means learning to recognize meaningful coincidences and seeing them as opportunities.
5)  Once we understand that external reality can’t be separated from internal reality, and that the universe is our extended body, it is clear that it’s necessary for each of us to Harness Emotional Turbulence, in order to transform negative energy into a higher level of awareness.
6)  Learning to Use the Infinite Organizing Power of Intention, which requires letting go of the idea that the universe is an inert machine, and realizing that the force within ourselves such as intention, is just as real as that of gravity or electromagnetism.
7)  Celebrating the Cosmic Dance is about synchronizing the series of experiences that emerge from your Conscious Energy Field with the universe.  Finding the connection between how we live our lives and the way that the universe works, so that we’re living in harmony with that connection.

Deepak Chopra elucidates that “There are messages everywhere around you to guide you, if you’re open and willing to move in the direction of understanding and growth, and listen to them. Some things in my life, are completely conscious and planned out, whereas others are intuitive, coming from an awareness that isn’t exactly stamped out and demarcated.”

"That’s why, if you really want to break out of the mundane, you must learn to think and dream the impossible. Only with repeated thoughts can the impossible be made possible through the intention of the nonlocal mind.”

“In the vastness of the ocean there is no individual “I” clamoring for attention. There are waves and eddies and tides, but it is all, in the end, ocean. We are all patterns of nonlocality pretending to be people. In the end, it is all spirit.”

So after reading this book and having my mind blown, I'm still left wondering why. I still can't get over why I feel things are not fair. How did those bathroom lights just start working and to this very day, still work. 

 

On Wisconsin

I rolled into Wisconsin after 1am. The last stretch of Iowa was quite stressful but once I got into Wisconsin, I was home free and felt awesome. I parked my car into my garage well after 2am and was in bed by 3am. Balt got me up at 6:30 am for breakfast but my eyes burned from weariness. I went back to bed until 9am. I unpacked the car, got to cleaning, doing laundry and set up a table my mom gave me for my bathroom. Erika did a great job keeping things picked up but there were dishes to do and the floors needed work. Once Erika went to work, I changed her bedding and cleaned her room as well.

While driving yesterday I finished Wild (I liked it as much as the movie) and Max Strom's A Life Worth Breathing: A Yoga Master's Handbook of Strength, Grace, and Healing which I will need to listen to again because it was so rich with information. I loved the balanced approach of practice, exercising the body, mind, spirit and breath. He discussed ethics and a code of conduct, bringing in philosophies from Christianity, Buddhism, Sufism, and Taoism, The emphasis on the breathe was interesting, especially in listening to Max Strom narrate the book and showing his readers how to breathe and explaining why it is such a highly effective tool for healing."The ancient yogis said that the breath was our direct energetic connection to spirit, or God. If this is so, then if you focus on your breath with spiritual devotion, hatha yoga becomes a spiritual practice, a wordless prayer. This is because as you fill your body/mind with breath, you are also filling yourself with spirit and the breath of God. Your body then radiates who you are from your soul, and what you stand for in this world." (p. 121)

One of Strom's points was not to watch the news everyday-- only once a week-- something I would like to get back to. He says to use that time to do yoga. So after cleaning, walking Balt for 3 miles, and doing some grocery shopping, I went to a hot yoga class. I got to see Erika at work. I needed a Bikram class to de-stress and detox. I drove two 2,000 mile trips in the last 10 days and it takes more out of your body than you'd think. I like it but always am glad the drive is over. After my class, which was amazing, I came home, made dinner, showered and sat to watch the Wisconsin vs. Duke basketball championship game. It's the first Badger game I've seen  all year... maybe in my lifetime!? I don't want to miss out on all this Wisconsin excitement.

Let It Snow!!

I got out my snow pants for the first time this winter! Madison finally got a bit of substantial snowfall-- storm totals have ranged from 7 to10 inches. Balt was thrilled. It was 19 this morning but as the day continued I could see it would just get colder so Balt and I started the day early and were out walking early. As the day continued wind chills whipped up and made things even colder (like -10). We had to walk in the street since the side walks were not shoveled. I shoveled my walkway 3 different times so between the walk in deep snow and the shoveling I feel that I got some good high intensity interval training in!

Well, I spent some time last night and this morning reading The Paleo Cure and have decided to give it a go. The first 30 days is a bit of a cleanse -- no sugar or sweeteners of any kind, no gluten or any other grains, no seed oils, no dairy, no legumes, no peanuts, no potatoes. I've given up gluten and feel loads better but I've replace wheat with corn, oats and rice. I feel kind of addicted to corn especially. I had a cheese-less omelette for breakfast and made beef stew with parsnips instead of potatoes for a late lunch and it was quite tasty. Because of my pre-diabetic status, I'm supposed to keep the fruit and starchy vegetables down to only 3-4 servings a day, everything else I can eat all I want of. Basically, it's the Adkins diet-- tons of meat and fat, only no cheese or butter and more vegetables. It's not really about limiting carbohydrates, but rather eating nutrients. I'm not really as interested in the chemistry, but I understand that it is what makes one sick. Having given up gluten for over 6 month, I can really feel a difference now. If I eat a bit of gluten, I get bloated and quite honestly, I'm afraid to eat too much gluten because I have found it makes me sick. I may not have celiac disease but I'm certainly gluten sensitive. I have noticed that although inflammation in my feet, hands and face has diminished since going gluten-free, I can still feel inflammation, so I know I have a sensitivity of some sort still to find. I hoping it's grain based and not dairy based. After 30 days of eating purely Paleo, then certain foods are introduced slowly, I think. I haven't read that chapter yet.

I must say I had one of the most productive Sundays ever. I started the morning early with some exercise and after shoveling and walking, I sat by the fire and worked on bill paying then got to working on my taxes after another session of shoveling. I actually finished and filed electronically. It's the first time I've done my taxes as the head of my own household, so it was a bit easier. Not as many dependents, not as many forms, not as many deductions but I was thrilled to know I'll be getting a bit back. The goal is always not to have to pay! After the taxes, I made my beef stew and then got to work on the student newspaper. I have to find a student to help with layout and I realized that I have a couple of new aids this semester with the skills to be able to do it but I still got it almost complete. I'm ready to put everything away and watch Downton Abby!!

Tuesday Time on My Hands

A second freezing day offered me another day of rest and relaxation, but I didn't want to squander the time. I got up with Balt at 6am and stayed up. I made a fire and hot tea and decided to watch the news. I've started watching CBS Sunday Mornings last year sometime, but that has been the extent of my news watching or listening for months. There was a time in my life when I listened eagerly to the news all day on talk radio. At some point it feels like "nothing new under sun" and all the stories begin to repeat. This morning's local news told me of a woman who left her kids in the car at Walmart and another woman in Green Bay who tried to warm up her car with hot coals. Then on CBS This Morning (I love Charlie Rose!), it was all about the freeze, people stuck on a train and a couple of authors, including the author of a new book called  "A Short Guide for a Long Life" with a bunch of great tips.  I then ordered the book on Amazon.

So according to this author I'm in charge of my own health and the book is going to tell me all the data I should know as a guide. The author is anti- cleansing, against detoxing, and discouraged juicing. Of course I've just begun to do all three of these things.  He also mentioned that inflammation was the root of all disease. I often feel swollen, especially my eyes, hands and feet. Last January I gave up sugar and began a quest to eat more healthy and lost 10 pounds. By Easter, I had fallen off my New Year's resolutions and by December those 10 pounds were back on. I didn't want to do the same thing again this year, so I just set out for a 60 day something, knowing it was all I usually manage anyway. After watching Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead (2010) a couple of years ago, I've been eager to try a juice fast again. I started juicing on the 4th, with the goal to juice every day until March 5th. It's been easy during the day, but dinner time kills the fast. This evening I fried up a sweet potato with carrots and onions in coconut oil. Oh my, it was so good! That's the best thing about being really hungry-- food tastes so good. For now, I'll keep juicing-- at least for the morning meal maybe lunch too. I made a salad with nuts for lunch tomorrow. I think if I keep things vegan as well gluten free, I'm going to see great changes. The trick is longevity. 

After watching the news, I took Balt to daycare even though I didn't have school today, he needed some fun. I came home and finally worked out with T25 DVD. Erika came home from work early and then she worked out (with her hoop). I went upstairs and started rearrainging things. Erika wanted to get rid of Jessi's old desk from her room, so I got rid of my old desk and put Jessi's nicer one in my room. It took a while to get things organized. I put both Jessi's and my old desktops in storage since neither of us use either of them. I went to pick up Balt and gave him a bath (he hates baths and cries like a big baby everytime). I came home, fried up a vegan dinner and watched the first episode of the fourth season of Downton Abby. The end of a wonderfully extended Winter break. I'm ready to get back to work and look forward to warmer weather!

A Game of Thrones: Book One Review

Monika had a soccer game out in Fitchburg this morning. I dropped her off and went to a nearby dog park (Prairie Moraine) which is right next to a Lutheran church. I found it interesting that the dog park parking lot had nearly twice as many cars as the church. Sunday morning worship is quite popular at the dog park, I know. It seems to be a family tradition for some. I am used to trekking out on my own. I took my nook with me, because it's gotten to a point I can hardly put it down (unless I'm falling asleep). Well I finished book one (A Game of Thrones) at the dog park. Luckily it wasn't too cold. I like taking the nook out on walks with Balt but I've found if it's below freezing the nook also freezes. That's when I wish I was reading a paperback.

I've read quite a few captivating books in my life and this is up there among the best. I love the different story lines, that are woven together with great detail. I especially enjoyed the 13 year old exiled Daenerys' story and how it ends with her (I won't be a spoiler-- but it's so awesome!). Geof initially mentioned the HBO series to me over winter break and then while wondering in B&N, I came across the book series and began reading it. When Monika got her nook for Christmas, I found I could download a portion for free. That's how I got hooked. I forked over $30 to download the whole series into the nook. I figure someday Monika will read it. It'll be a year or two before I'll be able to stream the HBO series on netflix, so I figured I might as well read it first. It's won awards and been on the best seller list for good reason. 

After the dog park, I came home and made lunch for the girls. I was eager to begin reading the next book, but spent some time cleaning. I went to yoga and then grocery shopping. We had a nice family dinner and while Jessi and her dad watch a movie, I got my nose back into the nook (Monika did homework). Superbowl? No one cares about it in my home and with no television, it doesn't matter anyway.

It's really Winter now.

We woke up to a dissappointing show of no snow yet. Any small hope of a snow day was out the window, but we knew it was not all that probable going to bed. I took Balt for a good walk after drinking a fresh cup of coffee, not sure if I'd be able to take him after school. As the day progressed, so did the snow fall. The wind was sharp and the temps continued to drop. Games and meetings for afterschool were cancelled which made the schedule suddenly free. That's the best part of winter storms. I came home and curled up with the nook and hot tea to read. 

I made it to yoga tonight. I did not do hot yoga but made it to a favorite flow class at 7:45pm. I was glad I went. I knew doing a 30 day hot yoga challenge was going to be tough. Between the physical strain and the schedule conflicts, I'm thinking I need to back off my challenge for this month and try it in the summer when time issues aren't an excuse. I can still get 30 classes in in 30 days if I double up on the weekend, but I thought of something better (read easier). I started reading The Game of Thrones. I purchased the whole A Song of Ice and Fire series for Monika's nook. I'm thinking a better 30 day challenge was to spend time reading everyday this month. It was a new year's resolution I did not keep last year. I've missed reading regularly in part because I'm so busy but mostly, I haven't found something to captivate me. Well, I'm now completely captivated. 

The Help (2011)

I finished reading the book last week and then tonight our book club met to chat and then see the movie. The book was a good read, entertaining and yet horrific at times. The story takes place in the early sixties, only a few years earlier from the time I grew up (I was born in 1965) but in Mississipi. I must say I couldn't help but cringe at the great amount of rasism the story revealed to me and yet it was a happy ending kind of book. It hints at an ugliness, like a man wearing a bag over his head might suggest ugliness. I cried at the end of the book and I cried at the end of the movie for the same reasons. I pushed tears away at the movie tonight, not wanting to admit just how very ugly rasism is. The book entertains while touching on the the very sensitive issue rasism, the film takes on less, leaving behind a few story details that may have wieghed it down too much. (I don't want to be a spoiler here so I'll keep it vague). I was slightly dissappointed but completely understood the movie could only do so much in 2 hours. Both the book and the movie give a strong voice to black women. Octavia Spencer (plays Minnie) steals the show. I'd like to think that the "Ol' Miss" rasism is all past us now, but I fear there are still a few Mississippi rasist remnents still out there somewhere. I do hope they are a very small minority now and very close to death. 

The holidays are on ice.

Tonight was book club night. We were suppose to read either  Sedaris' Holidays on Ice OR Dickens' Christmas Carol. I wanted to read Dickens, but never had time to actually get to it. I'm still looking forward to sitting by the Christmas tree lights with a fire lit to read it. I ended up listening to Sedaris on NPR where I found one of his chapters on line and laughed out loud. It's some funny stuff. Tonight we were a small bunch of book clubbers, but having two English teachers in the bunch helped to add a bit of literary know how to the conversation. In general we talked mostly about school, classes, kids and our own families. Its always interesting to see how the conversations travel. The darkness of the humor added a bit of unusual interest to the conversation

It's been crazy cold, not only outside but inside. We had something mechanical go out at school so a heating unit is not working properly. The air conditioning was blowing on me in the art department which is crazy when its 20 degrees out. 

Jessi took my car to lunch today which meant I got in the pool again. "Twice in one week!" one of the other teachers who swims called out to me, "hey, it must be a good week?" Yeah, I guess so. 

 

The Book Club

A couple of years back a teacher wanted to start a book club. We all picked a good book, I even read it, but we never actually met. When the same teacher decided to give it another go, I decided I wouldn't worry about actually reading the book (Water for Elephants). This time the book club actually met and even though I didn't read the book I thoroughly enjoyed being in the club. It's an eclectic group of teachers, all female. Our second meeting was tonight at my place and we were supposed to read Olive Kitteridge. I was excited to have my new couches for everyone to sit on. I made strawberry margaritas and we had cupcakes, chips and dip.

I had purchased the book but failed to finish it. It was an odd book-- disjointed at times and I was happy to hear my colleagues (they completed the book) have similar feelings. Olive, a large, older, unforgiving type of woman, was not always a nice person, but had moments of amazing empathy. At times I totally understood her, but wished I didn't. After hearing all the comments about the book, I resolved to finish this one before jumping into the next book. It looks like the club is on for real now. It's a bunch of smart women who's company I really enjoy, so I'm pretty excited about actually being a part of a book club. It's something I have always wanted to do!

The Evolution of God; more than a book report.

So, it took me a long time to read this book. Its 459 pages of non-fiction is not the typical Teri Parris Ford read. I saw this book at Borders and mentioned it to Jim as something I was interested in and he had already purchased it, so I started reading it. While the book isn’t really about the evolution of God, it is really a discussion of the cultural evolution of religion. So the focus is not on whether God exists, but how humans have envisioned and approached God in history. 

The author sees religion as going somewhere, guided by God, so to speak. Judaism, Christianity and Islam all appear to have a "moral direction," and that direction is toward the good. In the end, the author, Robert Wright, sees this evolution of God (or religion), might actually provide evidence for God’s existence, His reality.

"If history naturally pushes people toward moral improvement, toward moral truth, and their God, as they conceive their God, grows accordingly, becoming morally richer," he writes, "then maybe this growth is evidence of some higher purpose, and maybe -- conceivably -- the source of that purpose is worthy of the name divinity." 

Okay, why am I reading a book like this anyway. There’s no romance in it at all. Quite frankly, I’ve been avoiding books like this for a long time. I started reading The God Gene; How Faith is Hardwired into our Genes a couple of years ago and could not finish it. It made a lot of sense, but I didn’t want to explain spirituality with physiology. I think mostly I didn’t want to think about my own spiritual crisis of sorts. Then this year I started feeling the stress of not thinking about it. I think you can only ignore a crisis for so long and then it starts hitting you over the head, or tapping you in the eye. I kept feeling stressed and wondered why. Could it be because I am ignoring my spirituality? Maybe, or maybe not. I needed to find out.

So first, I will just say, there’s no way I am not believing in God. I can’t even go there. Big bang? Really? I mean, really? We’re all just one big accident. I don’t think so. I’d sooner believe in aliens. I haven't completely lost my faith. I can still recite the Nicene Creed in good faith. It’s not God that causes problems, it’s the religion that bothers me, in all honesty-- almost as much as politics. The last church we attended was the third to disappoint me and to reveal huge areas of hypocrisy. I just felt like, “three strikes and I’m out” (out of here, out). To go into the minutia of it all would take pages and pages of silly details that don’t really mean anything to anyone but me. The bottom line is that it is about MY experience in the church and how I feel like I don’t belong there, experientially. At least, I have yet to find a church. And that is part of the problem. I’ve given up and I’ve stopped trying. I stopped reading and I stopped thinking about it. I made it a non-issue, when it’s a big issue. My spirituality is a big part of who I am and I have been ignoring that part for while. I need to better understand that part of who I am. So I started reading about God, not from a Christian point of view but from an educated agnostic’s point of view. I’d like to read Mark next—it’s the one gospel that many educated folks feel is the most reliable. Then? I don’t know, maybe it’s time to re-read Harry Potter 7.

"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." --Psalm 46:10 (NAS)

Winners all around...

I got into work this morning at 7am for the 15th annual photography show award celebration. I set up the coffee, cream cheese, bagels and got awards ready. Kids started coming in at 7:30 and we gave out awards at 7:50am. It was a very nice ceremony for some very nice photos. Joe teased me saying that my image was considered for best staff picture but passed up because I had won in the past. 

During backyards we put on the finals of the Rock, Paper, Scissors Showdown. It was in the main gym with a nice crowd. I stayed up late last night creating the prize t-shirt that the only girl competing ended up winning. 

At lunch I ran out to do errands, including go home to eat since I did not have time to make my lunch this morning. After school I stayed around for a bit prepping materials for tomorrow. I got home to find I did not have a lot to do. I did dishes and vacuumed while Jim and Monika played cards. Jessi's track team mates all went out to dinner for cinco de Mayo, so the Monika, Jim and I went to Starbucks for dinner... kind of. The two of them had had a sandwich while playing, so they weren't hungry. Once Jessi got home we all watched Glee. It's always nice to have an evening with a little free time on our times.

Recovery, Laughter and Heartburn

Jim and I are recovering from our trip.  Both of us feel sore and aren't really sure if it's from the trip or from getting back to normal that is making our muscles ache.  Today we had a college art student come for lunch.  Melissa bought burritos for us and as the four of us (Joe, Mel, myself and our student friend) sat eating we chatted about life and laughed pretty heartily.  I love laughing... it's so much fun. 

While on my trip I read the book, A Whole New Mind, by Daniel Pink.  It was a great book for me to ponder on as the author proposes that the future belongs to artists, inventors and storytellers.  It sounds like my kind of future.  He says that studies show that laughter can decrease stress hormones and boost the immune system.  What's interesting is that we rarely laugh alone.  It's a social activity that makes us happier as well as healthier.

As the school day came to an end, I thought all the laughter had given me a side ache, but I think it was the burrito that gave me heartburn.  Oh, I'm getting old! 

Breaking Dawn ...and they lived happily ever after.

I stayed up until 2am last night and couldn't get it finished, so I was up this morning at 8am, eager to read with some coffee.  I love a good story and this one is good-- long and drawn out, sexy, bloody, lovey and dovey.  Why finish a story in 3 books, when it needs 4?  This fourth part ties everything up in a nice bow with a lot of growling, wincing and cringing.  Since the movie trailers to the first book are out, I couldn't help but read the fourth picturing the characters and seeing it on film. Although Twilight may not be rated yet, it's PG-13 material-- Breaking Dawn will have to be rated R and could even go NC-17 if we got to see all the sex and gore that is alluded to in the book.  {spoiler; vampire virgin Edward and human virgin Bella get married and consummate their crazy love on their honeymoon; they have a 1/2 monster baby that rips Bella apart in a alien like manner, necessitating Edward to save his bride by turning her into a vampire by stabbing her in the heart with his own venom--> how do you keep all that PG-13?}

Party at Borders

After a long day of swimming, tennis, cleaning and computer work, we are ending the evening at Borders in order to be among the first to get Stephanie Meyer's Breaking Dawn. The store was filled with gaggles of giggling girls, Jessi was one of the louder ones not in costume.  Very few were in white face paint, but many had handmade t-shirts celebrating their favorite character, some in vampire capes, others simply dressed up for the special occasion!

Why Do I Love These People?

Melissa gave me this book after Erika moved out, she had read another book by Po Bronson she liked and wanted to offer a kind gesture.  I started reading it today and am not sure I like it-- it's kind of a feel good book and I am not sure I want to feel good.  Still I was interested in the author.  I checked out Po's blog and found a great article on kids lying he also wrote (they all lie) and another one on why not to tell your kids they're smart.  The book is about unique family stories that easily suck you in but there is only so many I want to read in one day.  It makes me think about joy and sadness in my own family.  Of course there is so much more joy, but the sadness is there too.

The Secret

A couple of years ago my brother sent me the 2006 film called The Secret and I watched with great interest, not once, but several times.  When the book came out about a year later, I immediately purchased it for reference.  Although I am a believer, I am not a very good practitioner.  The secret is the Law of Attraction.  The law takes the principal "Like Attracts Like" and applies it to desired thought. Although it may come from some Hindu philosophies, it is also very Christian/Jewish.  Proverbs 23:7a "For as he thinks within himself, so he is."  Thus, thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, and beliefs cause a change in the physical world that attracts positive or negative experiences that correspond to the original thoughts, even without the person taking actions to attain such experiences.

I do practice the secret. I always have a parking spot near the front at the gym waiting for me.  I expect it and kind of feel like I deserve it, so it is always there.  Today I popped in to see a colleague at work, a counselor, who is amazingly positive and is really good at seeing reality in a better way.  I left his office thinking good thoughts.  Later in the car I spoke out loud things I want to be true-- calling on the Universe to make it so.  I do fear the "name it and claim it" mentality... I am not looking for a prosperity gospel.  My criticism of the law of attraction is the problem of pain (or evil).  Not all who are diagnosed with cancer thought themselves into illness-- I can't expect all to simply think themselves healthy, even though so much of health is a mind set.  I am seeking a healthy family life. I am saying it is, it must be and calling on God and quantum physics to help me out.

ti.(red)

I realized today that even with working out, I am still gaining weight and feeling tired.  I feel emotionally drained and physically weak.  I need a change and I need it quick.  I ran over to Barnes & Noble to get a detox book and found The Fast Track Detox Diet from the same author who wrote the Fat Flush.  So I need a week to get my body ready for my detox day. I'll be eating broccoli, greens, citrus, eggs, celery, psyllium, apples, and flax along with a healthy diet.  I won't be eating fat, sugar, artificial sweeteners, refined carbo's, gluten, caffeine, milk or cheese-- which means no lattes for a while! After that 7-day prequel, I fast for a day followed by a 3-day sequel.  I will keep you posted on my progress.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Khaled Hosseini was born in Kabul, Afghanistan, in 1965.  I was born in Los Angeles, California, in 1965.  I can tell we are from the same generation- early gen-x.  In September of 1980, Hosseini's family moved to San Jose, California, later he lived in LA.  I can tell.  I recall Jim saying he could tell if someone was from LA... there is something very "Californian" about them.

A Thousand Splendid Suns is the second book I have read from Khaled Hosseini.  Once I find an author I enjoy, I like to keep reading more of their work.  I very much enjoyed his style.  A Thousand Splendid Suns is female centered and a little more depressing than Kite Runner primarily because the main characters stay in Afghanistan, rather than leave like they did in is first book.  He shares historical facts within this fictional story that makes you both love and hate the Afghans.  There is no glorification of their culture, but he shares its richness and glory as well as its deficits and horror.

After reading the book, I emailed Jim and asked him to find me a burqa.  I would love to wear one for halloween, but it doesn't look like he can get one for me.  He said they have too much association with the taliban there on his base.  It's just as well, I would have ended up offending someone.

The Kite Runner

My copy is falling apart.  The first 20 pages are loose and shoved in the front of the book that is tattered.  I bought this book many months after Jim asked me to read it, because he felt it would help me understand Afghanistan.  I got right it before we left for California.  Erika grabbed it on the plane while I began another book.  When she finished it at the beach she handed it to me and told me, "you have to read this".

I finally finished it last night, more than a month after starting it. Rahim Khan (Amir's father's friend) tells Amir, the main character, near the end of the book, "A man who has no conscience, no goodness, does not suffer. I hope your suffering comes to an end with this journey to Afghanistan." (page 301)  I thought of my husband after reading this passage and I understood it was because of his goodness he suffers and I cried.  The book is about a man living with the load of regret.  I have heard people who saw me reading this book how good it was, one said it was the best book they ever read--the person who said that must have something in their past they deeply regret.  Although I understood Amir's pain, I was glad not to feel it. I had trouble with the language at times, mixing up names, not understanding the bits of Farsi he through in often.  And when it was all over, I signed deep relief, I am so glad I do not have a life with so much sorrow.

The Voice of Knowledge

Last night I went to bed crying... I get sad sometimes, mostly because I am overly sensitive and a little too emotional.  The things other people say (or write) upset me and I carry on with that inner voice of exaggeration.  I picked up The Voice of Knowledge initially over the summer because it had some discussion of the creation/garden "myth" at the beginning.  I had thumbed through Ruiz's Four Agreements book before, and although it looked good, it seemed a little simplistic.  Those same agreements are discussed in this book as well (see below).  Last night was a night I should've went through the things I had learned in this book, but didn't.  Although written in a way that seems simple, the depth of understanding about the human mind and the way it thinks is pretty intense.  I was surprized with the way knowledge is actually seen as a negative, emotion is more trusted- that goes against everything I was ever taught in my Western education.  When we are upset, things are not well, when we are happy something is going good.  In general I am a happy person, but I take things too personal.  It's very difficult for me to feel rejection (misunderstanding or not, it is what I feel).  Practicing the wisdom in these books can be life changing- the key is in the practicing.

• Be impeccable with your word - Say only what you mean.
• Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you.
• Don’t make assumptions - Communicate with others clearly
• Always do your best - Under any circumstance, simply do your best