I have decided to start a new blog this year that focuses on my job and the details of being a teacher. Because I'd really like to get into more details about work, I have put a password on the blog. It can be found at http://teriparrisford.typepad.com/teachers_diary/
Message me and I can give you access. I will continue to write here about family and personal stuff but not daily.
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Today was a Backyard/PCT Monday. The only one for the month of January. After a short week, we are looking to a long, busy week ahead, as all art classes come to a close. I have plenty of grading and lots of prep for next semester classes with 3 new classes on my plate, one that I haven't taught in 5 years- illustration.
I juiced for breakfast and lunch. I made it into the pool finally for a 20 minute swim. I also managed to get Balt out for both morning and evening walks. I made a crockpot of chili for dinner and enjoyed an evening real meal with extra onions on the side and a splash of cheese (yes, I know that's not vegan). I have decided to keep track of my calories this week. Juice is not a low calorie substance. Looking over some of the juicing diet recipes, I realize that I am adding more fruit than I should-- in part because the girls are drinking my juice too. I'm sure that was part of the reason I gained instead of lost weight last weight.
As I was working on putting my blog to print in volume 2 last night, I showed Erika volume 1. She wasn't too interested and teased me about my words being saved in print in case the zombie apocalypse comes. Nearly everyday since 2007, I've been posting mostly mundane happenings in my life. I find myself more and more trying to avoid too much detail about my family, my job or exposing too much about the people around me-- especially my students. Today I was emailed a 7 page social media guide that I'm pretty sure I'm not strictly adhering to. I did add the required disclaimer to both my blog about page and to my Facebook about page under political views. What am I supposed to talk about if I can't talk about my family or my work!? My husband thinks I should turn to writing fiction. I thought about honing in on something very specific to write about. I could take pictures of young men with their pants falling down-- it's the subject of the blog post I get the most hits on. OR I could decide to eat only from one restaurant like Starbucks and share about the experience-- I think I'd like that. If only I traveled more often. I often sit in front of my computer and stare at a blank page wondering what to write about when nothing of note happened; "I walked the dog and ate today." Sometimes I start with looking at the news or what would I tell my mom about the day, then most often must go back to delete sentences that I know my family or employer might object to. But as I look back to past posts while laying it all out for print, I realize even hints of what's happening on a daily basis is better than nothing. I think there will be value there for my grandchildren to go back and read my struggles and successes with parenting, teaching, exercising, dieting and just living when they are my age. I'd love to have a diary of one of my grandmother's.
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I've gone a whole week without Facebook and it has been inconvenient at times, but mostly I just feel out of the loop socially. I'm used to knowing a few things everyday about a few students or collegues. Sometimes it's just what was for dinner or that someone got something new. No one is going to email me to let me in on whatever mundaine stuff is happening. I've been checking twitter, using foursquare and instagram-- both post my where abouts and photos on Facebook. Of course, I'm still blogging. So everyone is getting my mundaine stuff; I'm just not getting everyone else's. I'm reading more in the evening--alot more. I've been checking the New York Times more often as well as reading my nook. So I don't have any idea what my students or friends are up to tonight but I learned about creating petitions on change.com, that men and women who routinely work 11 hours+ per day more than double the risk of developing depression, massage help heal sore muscles (duh!?), and that Madonna decided not to cause any controversy last night (I guess it's not worth it after 50).
ps- Today was just a boring Monday. Jessi stayed home sick, Monika is selling dance tickets at lunch and I ran through the day quite non-eventfully. Balt woke me this morning at 5:30am and what I looked forward to the most was going back to bed tonight. Is that wrong!?
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I was asked to rethink my blog today. It seems my immediate family doesn't especially like the content openly available to the masses. I am not sure my extended family would appreciate a theme change. One idea that was thrown out that I use pseudonyms. In my article How to Lose A Daughter in Seven Steps I call my three daughters Kate, Kim, and Kris. Monika suggested I go with Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe instead (as in Kardashian). Another suggestion was that I start writing a novel on line instead or begin with a few short stories. I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't want to read about stuff I just make up. Finally, I was encouraged to just write more about myself and not my family. I rarely write about students in part to protect their privacy-- some in my family would like the same consideration which pretty much sucks for me. Most of the interesting things that happen in my day has something to do with the 4 people I live with. BUT in all honesty some of my highest hit posts were recipes or travel posts. So should the TPF Power Blog transform into something else? I'm not sure...
Do you want me to write about how bad my feet hurt during my yoga class or how fat I looked in a photo posted on facebook today? Yeah, well, instead I'm going to share with you about how much fun I had with Erika and Monika at the AT&T store upgrading Erika's cell phone. She finally got a smart phone which means my phone bill is going up another $25 (+$5 more for insurance)! But of course Erika's offered to pay for that, just like she was supposed to pay for her new hair cut and color she got this week. It looks great. She purchased a "groupon" voucher for $50 with my credit card that was worth $100 at a local salon. I can't really complain since she's paying her own way through college-- not a lot of kids out there doing that these days. Anyway, she was so happy to finally have a cool phone (4G Inspire). That was the most exciting part of my day-- seeing my daughter tickled pink. That's what I want to write about...
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I started with a red typepad theme with a pretty nouveau heart with swirls. Then in September 2007 I created an obnoxious but original TPF banner with stars in a purple and green theme that is still on my about page. I decided at that point that every 10,000 hits would need a new color theme and banner. In March of 2009 I reached 20,000 and changed to a pretty pink and green theme. Then in honor of facebook, I went to a pool blue theme in March '09. In May of 2010 I was overdue for a theme change and I went to a gold sky with light purple. I like purple, so I am keeping it, but I am punching it up a bit more and brightening my yellow. I changed the ocean horizen to a sea of sun flowers as I anticipate 50,000 hits coming up. I wish the old themes stuck around on the old posts but the website changes as a whole-- it's all or nothing.
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(written for the WSJ Mom Blog)
This week my daughter is trying out for the swim team at Memorial. For parents not familiar with the high school sports try-out process, it can be intense depending on the sport and school. In the fall girls have to try out to be on the tennis, volleyball or swim teams; boys try out for soccer, volleyball and football teams. Cross Country is the only fall sport available for all students without fear of being cut from the team. At Memorial most girls who want to play tennis can, but not at West and the opposite is true for swimming. Some tryout periods are just about getting through, the kids who can’t make it to the end, quit and the rest make the team. Some teams still need to cut kids even after making it through the tryout period. A friend of mine told me cutting kids who want to play a sport at Memorial is the one most difficult thing he does all year as a coach.
So far my daughter has made it through the first two days of tryouts. She comes home exhausted and wonders why it has to be so hard. I have assured her that it gets a little easier after try-outs. She has seen a couple of girls quit already; one who hopped out of the pool sobbing after the first two hours of swimming on the first day.
I was thinking about how there should be tryouts for parents- a short period of time that people have to get through in order to be on the parenting team. Five days is all it would take but it might weed out the real losers. Only the people who make it through then can move on to be real parents.
For my daughter’s try-outs she has to go through a 1000 meter warm up, several swimming drills and then timed trails for different strokes and different lengths. Every day is different, sometimes there is running involved after swimming. So what should parents have to do? Here are a few ideas I came up with, but I am sure other parents would come up with a bit more meaningful trials or tribulations.
I know it seems kind of silly. But if anyone could be a parent, why can’t every girl who wants to swim on their high school swim team be able to? Well, there is a good reason actually. There just isn’t enough room in the pool.
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(written for the WSJ Mom Blog)
Having just started my summer vacation, I started thinking about all the kids out there, who, like me, are also out of summer school and finally getting a break. Not every kid has had the whole summer off, but most do.
In most countries, children have all summer off. There are lots of exceptions. In Australia, the school break coincides with the Christmas and New Year’s holidays, but they celebrate Christmas in the summer, so I guess even Australian students have summer off. Still summer vacation hasn’t always been a given privilege for students.
Prior to the Civil War while rural students had their spring and autumn off for planting and harvesting, urban students were attending school 48 weeks out 52 with only a short break in between quarters. In the 1840’s Horace Mann began to reform educational practices. He asked for better equipped school houses, to keep kids in school until 16 years old and my favorite, for higher pay for teachers. At the time, there were medical theories stating that over stimulation of a child’s mind might lead to insanity. Summer vacation was needed to keep our children from going crazy. Little did they realize that summer vacation really only keeps the teachers sane.
Our modern summer break continues to evolve. In California many districts have moved to year round calendars with shorter breaks in between, just like in the old days, only with longer breaks. Some experts blame summer vacation for national lagging math skills and lowered graduation rates. Others insist we need a long summer vacation in order to make school improvements (like repaving the parking lot) or for students to work in order to save for college.
Like most parents, I had to work most of my summer. I have learned to keep my kids busy with sports while I work. Idle hands at home are dangerous. Now that I have some time off I thought it would be grand to go on a trip with my girls. I have girl friends in Pittsburgh, New York and D.C. Wouldn’t a road trip be amazing?
My teens just wanted down time. The thought of sleeping in, reading books, riding bikes, watching old Degrassi episodes and going out to lunch with their mother was all they wanted. I was hoping for adventure, but instead I have time to clean my house and take a yoga class or two. Most importantly, I finally have time to take my girls out to lunch!
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I spent my evening at the pool tonight, only I was not able to go swimming. I was working. I volunteered to help run the clerk of course at this year’s All-City Swim meet held at Shorewood Swimming pool for the next three days. Last year about two dozen parents started the planning and now another several hundred will volunteer to run this meet that is among the largest in the nation. It’s an amazing event that is a blast for the kids but a ton of work for parents.
I volunteered to work clerk of course 9 years ago when Shorewood hosted the event last--Erika was only 9. 9 years later, Jessi is swimming and I have volunteered to work clerk of course again.
Of my three daughters only Jessi still actively competes, but all three have participated in All-City. It’s a great community event. It isn’t just about winning, it is about participating. While everyone gets a ribbon for swimming, some will get more ribbons than others. Monika swam at Seminole in 2004 and won a 3rd place ribbon for her relay out of more than 30 teams. That ribbon hung in her room for several years. This year Jessi has been working hard all summer to do well at All-City. She is especially motivated because her team is hosting.
As I walked around the pool tonight watching so many parents preparing, I wondered. Why would so many moms and dads give up so much time do this? Not a one of us is getting paid; most are taking off work or donating funds for the event. What is it that makes parents work so hard for such an ephemeral event? Perhaps the motivation is a little different for each parent, but my guess is that there is a similar passion that brings us together and I don’t think it’s just a love for the sport. I know I am not working the clerk of course at All-City for three days because I love swimming.
Parents with children involved in sports understand that most big sporting events cannot happen without parent’s involvement. Meets, games, and tournaments all need parents helping out. I think the most fun part in volunteering for any sporting event, but especially a big event like All-City, is getting to know the other parents. I find we all have at least one thing in common.
As I look around at the volunteers, I see a lot of familiar faces. Most are members of the same pool I belong to but I don’t really know all that well. My guess is that they are in this for the same reason I am in it. We are all doing all this work because we love our kids and want to support their involvement in sports. I haven’t asked any of my fellow volunteers why they are spending so much time doing so much work, so I might be wrong, but I can’t think of any better reason!
(written for the WSJ Mom Blog)
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Written for the WSJ Mom Blog
Last week I looked at my calendar with disgust when I could not find one block of time to take my daughters to see the new Harry Potter movie. I wanted it to be a family event and while perusing the calendar I could not find one time that everyone in my family to could go together.
When my girls were younger, our summers were not quite so filled. I stayed home during my summers to take care of them, to take them to the lake and make sure we made the big blockbuster events special. While it made summers quite relaxing at times, at other times my girls complained of being bored.
Little by little my girls got more involved in sports and clubs and friends. I look back on those elementary school days with fond memories of golden summer days with little scheduled and lots of time for reading and fun.
Now my girls are older so I work in the mornings while they are doing their athletic stuff, swim team, tennis, soccer, or working. Trying to get away for even a week seems so complicated now. No matter how you do it, someone is missing out on something. In the past we would take off for three weeks to visit my parents in California, this year it was difficult to find 5 days in a row we could all go.
I know this season of busy schedules is short. Now that my eldest is out of the house, I no longer have her schedule on my calendar and in five years, my 2014 summer calendar will only have me and my husband’s stuff on it. At times I can’t wait! Then there are other moments when I don’t know what I will do without them crowding my schedule and filling my laundry bin.
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Posted for the WSJ Mom Blog in response to a recent local news event (read first).
My youngest daughter had an appointment for which I needed to leave work a little early. When I asked my boss about it, his response was friendly, but interesting. “Don’t you have another driver in your family that can take her?” I knew he was referring to my 18-year-old daughter, Erika. He obviously did not know any of my family’s personal circumstances and how would he? I explained that not only did my 18 year old not have her drivers’ license, but she did not even live with me.
I remember back when Erika turned 15, and I was eager to have her drive. I fantasized about her driving my younger daughters to their appointments and running to the grocery store for milk. Things did not work out as I had hoped. After failing her test, Erika decided she did not want the added responsibility of driving in her life. She was happy to get rides from friends, walk or ride a bike around town. I was relieved she had given up, because trying to get her to drive was so stressful. My time in the car with her was weird; I went from slamming the break that was not on the passenger’s side or grabbing the door as I saw cars coming at us at unsafe distances, to then encouraging her to drive more. I was a poor driving teacher, and her skills reflected my failure to make sure she passed. By the time my husband returned from Afghanistan, it was too late. Erika had given up.
There is a story in our local news about a family whose 15-year-old daughter crashed the family car while driving west. Kids learning to drive and crashing cars don’t usually make the news, but this story pulls at the heart strings when you hear the details. Every family connected to Madison soccer, Spring Harbor or Memorial aches for this family. Although I am not friends with the family, I am friends of friends who are. As I thought about this terrible crash, I realize how easily, similar circumstances could have happened to my family. I understand the eagerness to have an eldest daughter driving and thinking a long drive on an easy highway wouldn’t be a problem. I understand not wearing a seatbelt during a long distant drive in order to take a nap or watch a movie.
This week while in the car with a bunch of middle school kids who were talking about the story, I heard one girl lay blame where it did not belong. I took the moment to interrupt the girl ‘s conversation to make sure that everyone in the car was wearing their seat belts, and then proceeded to share that as the adult in the car, it is my responsibility to make sure the kids were safe, no matter who is driving. The girls understood my point.
As parents, we want our children to reach the sky and fly. That is why we often push them out of the nest before they think they are ready, hoping they do not fall flat on their face. Sometime they fall. My daughter failed without anyone getting killed in the process, thank God. I respect her fear now, more than ever. I thank my lucky stars for my family, and how blessed we have been.
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Written for the WSJ Mom Blog
I have three daughters aged 13 to 18. I would describe them as very healthy, active girls but all three told me this morning that they wanted to lose weight. Swim suit season does that to most women in the US, but it really plays a number on our teens. There is no way to hide the belly fat if you are wearing a bikini and if you are not wearing one then it means you are trying to hide fat on your belly.
When my 14 year old daughter asked to be sent away to a fat farm, I couldn’t help but yell. When I was 14, I too thought I was fat. I too wanted to lose weight because I felt chubby but I was and she isn’t. Looking back, I would pay several thousand dollars to be that "fat" again! I told my daughter that I could pretty much guarantee in 30 years she too, would look back at this beautiful body she now has and wish she could have it back just the way it is! Oh, how silly we are when we are young.
We can blame fashion magazines, movie stars or TV but it won’t change how our daughters are thinking about their bodies. I believe as mothers we take responsibility for the condition of our children’s health. What is available for them TO snack on in the home and the activities they are involved both play a part in our children’s fitness level. I am still learning how to take care of my own body, so I find it a little overwhelming that I am also in charge of the bodies of my offspring.
I offered my daughters the idea of turning our home into a "fat farm" for the next two weeks. We will wake up early to exercise and eat only fresh fruit and vegetables with healthy protein options to accommodate both vegetarian and carnivorous girls who live in my home. I will offer prizes to my daughters who stay "on the farm" and keep up with the program in order to give the plan some added fun.
While I honestly don’t think my daughters need to lose a pound, I do know they need to exercise and eat healthy. We all need to look after our bodies with special care and I believe this is a way to an active, positive approach to positive body image. It is a win-win situation. I hope my girls will learn to turn their negative thoughts into positive action. I want them to see themselves looking as beautiful as I see them!
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(Written for the WSJ Mom Blog)
As a kid I remember listening to Alice Cooper’s School’s Out at the end of the school year. When the childhood anthem came on the radio, we would jump up and down and scream, “School’s out for summer, school’s out forever!” Now that I am a teacher, I still love singing along at the end of the year and embarrassing myself before cringing students. “No more pencils, No more books, No more teacher's dirty looks.”
I had no idea that teachers were just as eager as their students (if not more so) for the year to come to an end. The last week of school is a crazy week. For youngsters it’s about turning in projects, signing yearbooks, going to parties, saying good bye, getting closure. For teachers, the last week is also about closure, but we have the added task of cleaning and lots of grading.
Mothers each deal with the end of the school year differently. Some send away their children to summer camp or relatives. Other moms cannot live without their kids for long periods of time but still need to organize their children’s lives with activity. Parents of active children have a lot to choose from in Madison especially if your child likes sports. Still there are some mothers who are quite happy just to have their child home.
If you are looking for some activities for your kids this summer I strongly suggest MSCR (Madison School and Community Recreation). You can get the summer guide on line. There is something for every interest and every level. For sports clinics check with the UW and local high schools whose sports teams hold clinics for youngsters as a way to raise money. My daughter has done the Spartan Basketball every year for years!
Summer school is typically for students with academic troubles (GPA lower than a 2.0). High school students have summer school opportunities at Memorial and East. Most students in high school take summer school only if they have failed a course and need to make up the credit. There are a few classes for high school students who are looking for enrichment or to get ahead. For juniors and seniors the ACT/SAT prep course is very good. There is only one week off before summer school starts. If you are interested you can check out the information on the district website.
Happy Summer!
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The following post is a draft for the WSJ mom blog... I was asked to write an entry and I decided to work on the intro of my seven steps article. I changed things up a bit! I will let you know if it is posted.
I love working with teens. I started volunteering with middle school aged kids right out of high school. By the time I got my fantasy job of teaching art to sixth, seventh, and eighth graders, I had three young daughters at home. I remember thinking how I could not wait until they were teens. After all, what is more difficult than living with two toddlers? The answer is living with three teen daughters aged thirteen, fourteen and eighteen. Healthy relationships are hard work. Keeping up healthy relationships with my daughters is so much more difficult than I had expected. There are many ways to hurt a parent-teen relationship, especially a mother-daughter one.
Having a daughter graduate from the high school where I currently teach has changed the way I think about teens. I realize that the kids who talk to me about their interests, offer me respect in my classroom, and act like wonderful people may not so behave at home with their parents. While parents see their teen children at their worst, I see them in the classroom at their best. Talking to my students is easy, sometimes easier than talking to my teen daughters (and I am not sure why). Today I asked my students the one thing they would like their mother to stop doing. The number one answer is nagging, with yelling at a close second. Teens dislike their mothers asking too many questions, looking through their things, comparing them to siblings, or over-managing their lives. I also asked what they wish their moms would do for them. The most popular answer surprised me: “I wish my mom would make me a lunch.” Teens want their mothers to let them use the car filled with gas, to listen to them, and to take them out for coffee and shopping. Teens need a healthy relationship with their mothers. Unfortunately, as a mother, my attempts at connecting with my first daughter did not work out so well.
I have come up with my own personal list of things to do and don’ts. I realize now that my experience as a teacher of teens did not help me as a parent because I did not follow my own advice.
1. Touch your teen. Hug and kiss them just like you did when they were young. Hold on to them as much as they will let you. If nothing else, reach out a hand and just touch them.
2. Do not react; especially do not react in anger. Do not escalate a conversation into an argument. Listen and wait. Ask questions, but not too many. The most successful way to converse with a teen is calmly and with interest.
3. Keep communication open. It sounds a lot like number two but is more about just talking to your teen. Do not leave notes in order to avoid an argument. Do not leave lists of things to do. Do not reschedule their lives without having the conversation. Always be honest in your communication, but open.
4. Ask for help if you feel overwhelmed. If you think your child needs therapy, then you should go first. Ask school councilors for assistance with making decisions. At the very least talk to your parents, your spouse, your best friend or your teen’s best friend’s parents about how overwhelming it is to be the parent of a teen.
5. Do not try to control your teen. That time in your life is over. They are now in control and the more you try to hang on to being in charge the more trouble you are in. This does not mean you cannot have rules, but expect them to broken.
6. Trust your teen to make good decisions even though they may not. Hopefully the past fourteen or fifteen years had some kind of impact on the moral decisions they make with all the peer pressure they face. Instill confidence in them that that are well behaved and then cross your fingers and pray they are.
7. Challenge them to be a better person but never give them an ultimatum that you think that they cannot possibly refuse because they may surprise you. If you throw out a final warning like, “if you leave, then do not come back!” then you may have just kissed your teen good-bye.
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